The 3 Things You Must Stop Doing to Be Happy

Happiness isn’t about doing more—it’s about letting go of the things that hold us back. This is the story of how I learned the three things I had to stop doing in order to truly be happy.

The Realization That Changed Everything

If you had asked me a few years ago whether I was happy, I would have said yes.

I had a good job, a nice apartment, and friends to spend time with. On paper, everything looked great.

But if I was being honest with myself, something always felt… off.

It was hard to explain. I wasn’t miserable. I wasn’t depressed. But there was this constant feeling of restlessness, like something was missing.

I tried to fix it the way most people do—I stayed busy.

• I worked harder.
• I set bigger goals.
• I tried to be more productive.

But no matter how much I added to my life, the feeling never went away.

It wasn’t until I stopped doing certain things that I finally started feeling happy.

And looking back, I realized that happiness isn’t about doing more—it’s about letting go of the things that make us unhappy.

Here are the three things I had to stop doing in order to be happy.

1. I Stopped Trying to Control Everything

I used to believe that if I could just control everything, I’d be happy.

I planned my career step by step. I set rigid goals for myself. I tried to make sure nothing ever went wrong.

And when things did go wrong?

I’d lose my mind.

I hated uncertainty. I hated change. I hated feeling like I wasn’t in control of every part of my life.

But here’s the thing about trying to control everything:

It doesn’t actually work.

Life doesn’t follow your script. Plans fall apart. Unexpected things happen.

And the more you try to force things to go your way, the more frustrated you become.

I remember one moment when this truth finally hit me.

I had spent months preparing for a big work project, making sure everything was perfect. I had backup plans, detailed schedules, and everything in place.

Then, out of nowhere, my company restructured. The project was canceled.

Just like that, all my planning meant nothing.

I was furious. I had done everything right—why did things still fall apart?

That night, as I sat in frustration, a question came to me:

“What if my happiness didn’t depend on everything going my way?”

For the first time, I realized that trying to control everything was making me miserable.

So I started practicing letting go.

• When plans changed, I reminded myself, “This isn’t the end of the world.”
• When things didn’t go as expected, I asked, “What can I learn from this?”
• Instead of resisting change, I tried to embrace it.

And the strangest thing happened.

The less I tried to control everything, the happier I became.

Because when you stop needing life to be perfect, you start finding joy in the way things actually are.

2. I Stopped Comparing Myself to Everyone Else

Comparison was something I never realized was making me unhappy—until I stopped doing it.

It was always there, in the background of my thoughts.

• Seeing friends on social media traveling the world while I was stuck at work.
• Watching people my age buy homes and get promotions while I felt like I was still figuring things out.
• Reading about “successful” people and wondering if I had already fallen behind.

At first, I told myself this was normal.

After all, isn’t competition what drives people to do better?

But the truth was, comparison wasn’t inspiring me—it was exhausting me.

Because no matter how much I achieved, there was always someone doing better.

I remember a specific moment when I realized how toxic this habit had become.

One night, after a long day, I was scrolling through social media when I saw an old college friend had just bought a house.

Instantly, my mood dropped.

Here I was, still renting a tiny apartment, feeling stuck in my life, while she had a beautiful new home.

For hours, I spiraled into self-doubt. Had I made the wrong choices? Was I behind in life?

Then, out of nowhere, another thought hit me:

“Why does this even matter?”

Why was I measuring my life by someone else’s milestones?

That night, I made a decision.

I unfollowed accounts that made me feel like I wasn’t enough. I stopped checking social media first thing in the morning.

And most importantly, I reminded myself daily:

“The only person I need to compete with is the person I was yesterday.”

When I finally stopped comparing myself to others, I felt lighter.

Because happiness isn’t found in keeping up with others—it’s found in learning to appreciate where you are.

3. I Stopped Waiting for Happiness to “Happen”

For the longest time, I believed that happiness was something I’d achieve one day.

• I’ll be happy when I make more money.
• I’ll be happy when I finally find the right relationship.
• I’ll be happy when I reach my goals.

I was always waiting for happiness—like it was something in the future, just out of reach.

But no matter how many milestones I hit, happiness never stuck.

Because as soon as I reached one goal, a new one took its place.

It wasn’t until I had everything I thought I wanted and still felt unsatisfied that I realized my mistake.

Happiness isn’t something that magically happens later.

It’s something you have to choose every day.

That meant:

• Finding joy in the small things—morning coffee, a good conversation, fresh air.
• Stopping to appreciate what I already had, instead of always chasing what was next.
• Living in the present, instead of waiting for some perfect future to arrive.

When I stopped postponing happiness, I finally started feeling it.

Because happiness isn’t a destination—it’s a way of living.

What I Learned from Letting Go

Looking back, I see now that happiness was never something I had to find.

It was something I had to stop blocking.

And the three things that had been blocking it?

1. Trying to control everything.
2. Comparing myself to everyone else.
3. Waiting for happiness instead of choosing it.

When I let go of these things, I realized that happiness isn’t something far away.

It’s already here.

It’s in the small moments.
It’s in learning to let go.
It’s in being present, instead of always chasing something else.

And the best part?

Once you stop doing the things that make you unhappy, you don’t have to force happiness.

It just happens on its own.